Mad Scientist Application
by Dani-of-Insomnia
Summary: Just came up with this randomly. I was like, how the heck do you even get into the mad science profession? I'm sure you don't have a childhood goal to be insane. So, here it is. Enjoy.
1. Application to be a Mad Scientist

**A/N-So, I just came up with this randomly and thought I'd put it up. It is a one shot, but maybe I'll do an application for something else, like 'Application to be in the Flock'. Anyways, enjoy!**

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Jeb opens the envelope. Last year he had gotten kicked out of college for being over-eccentric in his physics class, and afterwards had gotten contacted by a company calling themselves Itex. They believed he would be great as a employee. Now he was supposed to fill out a little application thingy, and if he had most of the requirements he was a fulltime employee. It's a good thing, too, 'cause his mom is on the verge of kicking him out.

_Here goes_, he thought as he took out his pen.

* * *

**Application to be a Mad Genetic Scientist**

_Job Description:_

Transferring animal DNA into other animals or helpless children.

Making human-lupine hybrids.

Occasionally training the human-lupine hybrids if we get a shortage of those circus performers that make lions jump through hoops.

Examining the hybrids and figuring out how we screwed them up.

Examining the hybrids and figuring out how it is possible that we didn't screw them up.

Doing that thing that didn't screw them up again so we don't srew another one up.

Thinking up new and horrible combinations of genetics (this is merely amusement, but if you do think of one, inform us).

Putting up with the human-lupine hybrids and not letting them eat you.

Putting up with the human-avian hybrids and not letting them escape.

_Job Requirements:_

Must have at least taken science in highschool (college degree not required). _Check._

Have some physical definement (glasses, adult braces, scar, enhaler, hair like Einstein, wheelchair or crutches, etc.). _Check. It's a good thing I find it a waste to buy shampoo and contacts. . ._

Must be able to cackle "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" perfectly._ Check. So being a mentally-insane person for Halloween last year really did pay off._

Must have absolutely no sympathy for children with wings, gills, mind-reading abilities, mind-controlling abilities, uncontrolled dgestive systems, unruly hair, a voice in their head, mainly black fashion sense, blindness, hyper-speed, or a childhood mainly taken place in a dog crate._ Um, check._

Must know what a needle is. _Check. I've been to the doctor before. _

Know how to properly use a needle (optional). _Uh-oh. It's a good thing this is optional._

Must be able to speak in riddles and confuse every damn person around you. _Check._

Must have read 'Frankenstein' by Mary Shelley. _Check._

Must have read 'Genetics for Dummies'. _Is this book in stores near me?_

* * *

He closed the pamphlet and went back inside to put a stamp on and send it back. He walked back out to the mailbox with a good feeling.

_Can't wait to tell Mom that I got a job offer!_

As he opened the door he yelled, "Hey, Mom! I got a job offer in California!"

When he got upstairs she was already packing his stuff.

_I really hope I get this job. . . ._

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**A/N-Like I said, completely random. **

**REVIEW!**


	2. Application to be in the Flock

**A/N-Okay, thought I'd do this one. I mentioned it in the A/N last chapter, and then I started thinking of things and figured to make another chapter. The italics are Fang's thoughts. Oh, and thanx for the reviews!**

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Fang opened up his laptop and sat down on the bed that Dr. M had lent him while they were staying at her house. There were still people begging to be in the flock. Honestly, he didn't get it. It really wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

He thought of a way to gently crush their hopes. He would put up an application. If anyone really fit the job requirements (impossible) then. . . But that won't happen. He browsed through the rest of the comments before starting work on his genius-dream-crusher.

Bubblepop997:

**Fang! You are the BEST! I was just wondering, and I know you love Max and all, but I'm always here. And I think your wings are sexy!!!**

_Jikes. Not this again._

Harry-Ride833:

**Yo, if you guys ever need shelter or anything, I know the best place. It's this old abandoned garage down the road from me and it would be perfect for a couple of Avian-Americans. Message me and I'll tell you where it is!**

_Trap._

Creepypersoninyouryard:

**I love you.**

_Oh, so you really are the creepy person in my yard._

Fanglover999:

**Fang, tell Iggy he rocks my socks! **

_Yes, like he needs another reason to be so damn cocky._

Max II (You'll only get this one if you read my other story, Max II Makes Bad Company):

**I love you Iggy. The minute I get away from Dani I'll come for you. Uh-oh, Dani's coming and she wants to play with the cardboard box again. Bye!**

_WTF?????_

He glanced over the rest of the comments from the over-obsessed fans and started work on his genius-dream-crusher. Maybe now people will stop pestering him.

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Application to be in the Flock

Job Description:

Never staying in one place for more than a week at the maximum (pun not intended).

Constantly getting attacked by robots/erasers/whatever-they-come-up-with-next.

Constantly kicking robots/erasers/whatever-they-come-up-with-next's ass.

Dealing with Fang being hot.

Doing instructions from Max's weird voice in her head.

Trying to ignore the fact that Angel is the creepiest 6 year old on planet Earth.

Covering your nose when Gazzy has an. . . episode.

Ignoring Nudge when she's too far away for you to put your hand over her mouth.

Hiding all your possessions from Iggy so that he doesn't blow everything you own to smithereens. _Damn, that word's not on spell-check._

Occasionally committing a felony.

Not going to school.

_Job Requirements_:

Must have wings.

Must be Avian-American (yes, this is different than having wings).

Must not be in love with Max. _Like I need any more competition. . . I hate you Dylan._

Must have some sort of physical or character definement (Max is a sucker for homemade cookies, Nudge talks a lot, Gazzy has serious problems with his digestive system, Fang doesn't talk much, Iggy's blind, etc.).

Must be _AWESOME_.

Must kick ass.

Must hate mad scientists.

Must have a burning desire to kill all mad scientists.

Must think Fang is hot. _Haha, Max'll love that one._

_

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_

He was just about to put it up when Max walked in the room.

"Hey, Iggy's cooking dinner, if you can't smell it. Hey, what's that?"

"Nothing," he said, maybe a little too fast.

"Really? If it's nothing than I'm sure you won't mind showing me," she said with a sly smile.

"If Iggy's making dinner than it's probaly gonna be ready soon. You know how fast he cooks," Fang started to get off the bed.

"Oh, no. He was just starting when I left." She suddenly jumped and grabbed the laptop from his hands. "What's this? Wait, Fang, what the hell is this? Your setting up an application for people to be in the flock?!"

"No, no, no! It's not like that! Do you really think anybody will meet all the requirements? It's just so that it will give them a chance, and then when they fail they'll stop bothering me about it!"

Her face cleared some. "Hmmmmm. Well, you missed some things."

"What?"

"Yeah, there's a couple more things I need to add." She took the laptop from his hands and sat down on the bed. He went to sit next to her, but she shooed him away. A couple minutes later she got back up and left the room without a word.

When he looked at the laptop, she had written under Job Description:

Toleration Fang's tendency to be silent.

Not punching Fang in the face when he sneaks up behind you.

Under Job Requirements:

Must not be as silent as Fang, but not talk as much as Nudge.

Must not be as creepy as Angel.

Must not be female. _Wait, what does Max have against girls?_

Must not have red hair. _Oh, of course._

_

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**A/N-So, I hope you liked it. And the next chapter might be a fans reaction to the application. Please review!**


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